So You Think Your Day Sucks
by Ai Zhao Dao
Summary: Had a bad day? Got yelled at by your tyrannical boss? Then this fic is for you! For the low, low price of FREE we'll make a pathetic attempt to brighten your day! If you're not satisfied with the results, return it for your full money back!
1. Listen to Yui

**So You Think Your Day Sucks...**

Company's Thanks:

Dear consumer,

On behalf of the Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry, I would like to thank you for choosing, **So You Think Your Day Sucks...** As promised, we will attempt to make your day brighter with these non-relevant oneshots. I would like to bring to your attention to the fact that the anime, _Neon Gensis Evangelion_, does not belong to the Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry in any way, shape, or form with the exception of wildest dreams. Another issue concerning ownership is that the following stories are in fact based off of real stories concerning real people. For your entertaiment, the Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry has rewritten these stories with our own _Evangelion_ twist. Once again, I would like to thank you for your endorsement and hope to continue our business with you in the near future.

Yours Truly,

Ai Zhao Dao

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Scenario 1: Listen to Yui 

Somewhere in an alternate universe on a bright and cheery day, Gendo was working on his motorcycle on his patio and Yui was in the kitchen.

"Dear," called out Yui, "Stop playing with that bike and eat your breakfast."

"Yes," replied Gendo. "I'm almost finished."

"Really now, you're just like Shinji. If you don't hurry up, you're breakfast will get cold."

"Yeah…" After a few more tweaks, Gendo started racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. "Oh mother-…" Gendo, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

Yui, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door. "Oh my gawd! What happened?" she asked concernedly.

"…I'm bleeding."

"Yes, I can see that, but what happened?"

"…I'm bleeding."

"This has something to do with that bike, doesn't it?"

"…"

"For goodness sake, Gendo! You see what happens when you don't eat your breakfast right away!" she scolded as she kicked Gendo in the side.

"OW! Woman, can't you see that I'm losing a lot of blood here!"

"Oh, right!" Finally noticing the small puddle of blood forming around her husband, Yui ran to the phone. "Hello, 911? It's my husband, he hurt himself. He's on the floor bleeding. Yes he's still alive. No, I did not try to kill him. Okay, thank you."

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, she went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics, both of which were in their early 20's; one with brown hair that reached his shoulders and the other with glasses and hair streaked back.

"So where it he?" asked the man with glasses.

"Inside of the house, follow me." Yui started to lead the way up to the house.

"Okay, let's go Hyuuga!" ordered the man with long hair, pulling out a stretcher.

"Will you be okay?" Yui asked Gendo as he carried off.

"Yes, don't worry, I'll be back."

"You better not die on me or I'll tell Shinji that you left us for that Akagi girl."

"I won't, dear."

After the ambulance transported the Gendo to the hospital, the wife righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. "What a mess. He just wants me to do more work doesn't he?" Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the Yui got some paper towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.

Not very long after, Gendo was treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle.

"…I should've listened to Yui." He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, and assumed that infamous pose of his. "…I should've listened to Yui." he repeated as he started to smoke a cigarette. He continued to wonder why Shinji hated him so much, and then grew even more emo. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl, while seated. Yui, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming.

She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.

"OH MY…! What did you do this time!"

"My balls are burnt!" cried Gendo as tears started flowing from his eyes. "And so are my wiener and sexy ass!"

"Don't move! I'll call the ambulance again."

"If I tried to move my ashes of dick would fall off!"

Yui again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. "Yes it's me again. Yes, my husband. Yes, I'm sure I'm not trying to kill him. No ma'am, I am not a husband beater. No, I don't want the cops over here! Great, thanks!"

The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the Yui met them at the street.

"Well, well, we meet again!" said the long haired paramedic as he pulled out the stretcher.

"In the house?" asked the other paramedic.

"Yep."

When they reached the bathroom, the paramedics spotted Gendo lying on the ground with his hands covering his burnt goods and quietly chanting to himself, "…I should've listened to Yui"

"Ooh, ouch," Aoba said painfully upon seeing the poor bastard lying on the floor.

"…I should've listened to Yui."

"Who's Yui?" Aoba asked as he loaded Gendo onto the stretcher with the help of Hyuuga.

"That would be me," replied the person Shinji saw getting freaky with his dad just before he blew up the world.

"How exactly did he get burns this bad?" Hyuuga inquired as they began carrying Gendo to the street.

"…I should've listened to Yui," Gendo repeated.

"Well you see…" she explained the story as she escorted them down.

The two snickered, at first not believing it. "Are you serious?"

"Very!"

There was a little pause before…

"BWAHAHAHA! HOLY…! That is the craziest thing that I have ever heard! Oh my… OH SHI-!"

Aoba was laughing so hard that he slipped on one of the steps and tipped the stretcher, dumping Gendo out. He fell down the remaining steps and by the time he had reached the road, not only did he have burns in a very uncomfortable area but a freshly broken arm to go along with it.

"…I should've listened to Yui."

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A/N: Yes, yes, yes, Gendo got messed up. Ai Zhao Dao Products Industry isn't real, just incase you didn't know. There will be more, if you want me to continue this and may I say that it only gets better... or worse, if the people get more effed up would that be better or worse? Whatever, Kirby rocks. 


	2. Save the Animals PART 1, Free Willy

**So You Think Your Day Sucks...**

A/N: Well, it seems that this is getting a pretty good response. I guess you guys really like seeing others tortured, hahaha! Anywayz, I've already warned you that all of these have no relevance at all whatsoever to the story line of _Neon Genesis Evangelion_, but you like to see the charcters get messed up. Good for you!

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Scenario 2: Save the Animals - PART 1, Free Willy 

Somewhere in an alternate reality, the wonderful people of Exxon have gathered together in Valdez, Alaska to commemorate success of their rescue project. We now join project coordinator, Maya Ibuki now addressing the audience.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you all for coming out here today to celebrate our success. As you can all recall, our oil tanker _Sea River Mediterranean,_ at the time named _Exxon Valdez_, hit Prince William Sound's Bligh Reef and spilled an estimated 11 to 30 million gallons in crude oil. As a result thousands of animals immediately perished. In addition, a majority of the plankton supply was killed off by the oil as well.

"In order to rectify this terrible mistake, we established many centers to do all that we could to clean up the mess."

At moment, two men with cages in hand walked onto the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would now like to introduce to you Mr. Aoba and Mr. Hyuga." The two men with the cages waved to the applauding audience. "Both of these wonderful men have contributed a huge part to our cause.

"Out of the many different types of animals that had been affected, the harbor seals were one of the more expensive animals to save averaging at about $80,000 per rehabilitation. Today, we would like to commemorate our success by release two of the most expensively saved animals back into the wild."

As Maya finished her speech the audience applauded as Hyuga and Aoba walked towards the water with the cages. The cheers and applause from the onlookers grew even louder as the seals were released and started to swim out into the ocean.

"There they go, swimming happily," said Hyuga as he watched the seals. "Doesn't it feel good to know that you helped to save a life?"

"Yep," responded Aoba.

"Thanks for helping me out guys," said Maya as hugged the two guys.

"Hey, no problem, we wanted to do this anyway, right?" said Aoba as he ruffled Hyuga's hair.

"Yeah, it's nice knowing we did some good." The three watched as the seals continued. "You know, I bet those seals are gonna have nice, long and happy lives and we helped them get there." Maya and Aoba nodded in agreement.

At this precise moment in time, a killer whale appeared out of nowhere and ate both of the seals in full view. The cheers and applause immediately stopped. Everyone was in disbelief, both shocked and horrified, I mean, c'mon, that really sucks!

"…Did that just happen?" Maya refused to believe what she just saw.

"…" Hyuga was speechless. Then he noticed that Aoba was shaking. "What's wrong man?"

"…" Aoba looked up with eyes filled with rage. Hyuga and Maya took a step back just to be safe, which was smart cuz that was when Shigeru cracked. "DAMNIT! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

"Hey man, calm down. You're scaring the audience," said Hyuga in an attempt to calm down his friend.

"HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE CALM WHEN MOTHER F-ING FREE WILLY JUST ATE OVER 200,000 DOLLARS OF OUR MONEY?" he screamed back.

"Uh, dude, really you gotta…"

"C'MON YOU MOFO!" screamed Shigeru to the whale in a challenging manner. "I'LL TAKE YOU ON, YOU STUPID LITTLE…! HYUGA, QUICK! GET MY HARPOON!"

"Who do you think you are, Captain Ahab or something?"

"DAMINT HYUGA I SAID MY HARPOON!"

Maya let out a huge sigh as she started to walk away from them. "I knew something was wrong when the volunteered to help…"

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A/N: Well isn't that a bitch. By the way, I could never figure it out, is Maya Maya's first of last name? Cuz I alwayz thought that it was her first name. Ah, and let me just say that all profits made by this fic will go to the _Angelic Days _(aka _Girlfriend of Steel _2) fund. I need to go to the mall and buy that right now and you should too! 


	3. Love Hurts

**So You Think Your Day Sucks...**

A/N: Ai yaa! You still read silly fanfiction of torture? You have very sick mind!

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Scenario 3: Love Hurts

We now return to the alternate universe from Scenario 1, five months after the Gendo and toilet incident. At this time, Gendo is fully recovered and back to his normal manipulative self. We now join housewife and mother Yui Ikari returning home after her weekly grocery shopping.

"Dear," Yui called out as she locked the front door behind her, "the store was out of your usual Lactaid milk so I just got an extra gallon of Shinji's 2 percent, is that okay?"

Yui waited to for a response from her husband, but heard nothing.

"Gendo? Are you home?"

Still no response. Shrugging her shoulders, Yui grabbed her groceries and headed in towards the kitchen. Upon entering the room she immediately dropped the bags she was holding and let out a shriek of terror. She found her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.

"OH MY GOD! GENDO!" Yui frantically ran around as her husband continued to lie on the ground. Spotting a conveniently placed plank of wood by the back door, Yui grabbed it and whacked him with it, intending to jolt him away from the deadly current.

"OOOOWWWWWWWW!" Gendo screamed as he quickly sat upright. The whack that Yui gave him broke his arm in two places.

"Oh, thank goodness you're alright!" Yui sighed in relief.

"ALRIGHT?" screamed Gendo in a fury. "Woman! You just broke my arm after I just recovered and now you broke my arm again!"

"But," Yui said in an innocent little voice resembling that of a middle schooler, "I was scared for you..."

"Scared for what?"

"You were getting electrocuted." Gendo made a weird face like he didn't know what crap she was talking about. "That wire on you."

"You mean my walkman?" Gendo pulled out the earphones from his ears, making Yui feel, how do I put it... stupid. "You broke my arm when I was happily listening to my walkman for nothing!"

The couple then started to stare with the awkward silence to fill the background. Staring... staring... staring... And then...

"I love you..." Yui said in the same little innocent voice to go along with that innocent look on her face. This is a trick that she would use to get herself out of sticky situations like these. It never fails. Ever. Gendo is such a sucker.

Gendo started to choke up before he could yell again. He had caved.

He sighed. "I love you too..."

"I'm glad! What a relief!" Yui bent down and gave her husband a kiss on the lips then gave him a big hug.

"OW! My arm! Arm!"

"Oh, we better get you to the hospital." Yui helped her husband up and led him towards the car.

"Yui, why do you always have to do that innocent act?" Gendo asked as they started to walk down the stairs in front of their house.

"Oh c'mon, everyone knows that you have a thing for young women. What's wrong with me using it to my advantage?"

"...You have a sick mind."

"I love you too!" Yui happily said as she gave Gendo an enormous hug.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MY ARM! MY ARM!" Gendo flailed himself free, but in this process he lost his balance rolled down the flight of stairs.

"I still love you!"

* * *

A/N: I bring you the daily life of the Ikari residence. Man, what's up with that? Poor little Gendo, I actually feel sorry for him, I never felt sorry for him, not even when he got half his body chomped off. But don't you just love the way that Yui turned out. What you don't? Well too bad, it's an alternate universe, Kirby can tell me to write whatever the crap he wants.  



	4. Don't Sleep and Drive

**So You Think Your Day Sucks...**

A/N: And here we are again with yet another fun little chapter of this series of... fun-ness. This next installment is actually something that happend to my dad and my brother just last month, I'll tell you more about that after the story. But there's one thing that's been bothering me lately, I know that I haven't been an author for very long and that I still not that great at it but I try. I've felt incomplete as an author for some while and now I've finally figured it out. Out of my entire time that I've been on this site I haven't recieved a single flame. I don't know if that's a good thing or not but I just really want to get a flame for some reason. I know that someone who would flame mystories probably wouldn't read this far into it but if there is someone out there who would be kind enough to flame I would appreciate it so much. Please help me to feel complete. I'll even give you a cookie warmed by my own pocket. Now enjoy this next installment you poop!

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Scenario 4: Don't Sleep and Drive 

It's a bright and beautiful Saturday morning in the world of _Neon Genesis Evangelion_. All was calm and normal; birds were singing gaily, the Angels were plotting their next attack on the city of Tokyo-3, Gendo was being an ass, and Misato was once again displaying her skills as a former _Crazy Taxi_ driver of San Francisco. However today would turn out to be different and would soon bring a challenge for even an expert driver of this caliber.

"Um, Misato-san," Shinji said as he watched random pedestrians dive out of the cars way. "Misato, are you sure you're in a position to be driving? I mean you haven't gotten any sleep all week."

"Not to worry, Shinji," the woman replied drowsily, "I have everything under control."

"…Are you sure about that, you kind of just ran over George W. Bush." Shinji looked back at the flattened body.

"And?"

"He is the president of the United States! Do you know how much trouble we'll get into?"

"_Was_ president of the United States," Misato corrected as she started to nod off. "This is the year 2015, Clinton's the current president. Plus, that's what the silly Texan gets for taking too many vacations."

"That doesn't change the fact that you ran over some one. I really think that you should just pull over and get some rest. On a normal day you never run into anything… even though you always look like your gonna crash into everything in sight."

Shinji looked over to Misato to check if she was listening, but she had fallen asleep and was drooling and snoring, you know, the whole shebang. This scared the living poopy out of Shinji. Amazingly, she still managed to steer the car properly.

"Holy sh…! She's not human!" Shinji exclaimed. For a little while, Shinji continued to amuse himself by watching his sleeping guardian maneuver her way through the city unconsciously.

As he stared Shinji totally freaked out when he spotted something ahead of them that would prove impossible for the sleeping Misato to avoid. With eyes popping open, Shinji started to pull himself together.

"Misato," said as calmly as he could. "Misato, MISATO!"

"What?" Misato screamed popping her head up in surprise, finally waking up. Before she could figure out what was violently thrown forward as they crashed into another car. Luckily she had enough sense to buckle up. "WHAT THE F…! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?"

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe that just happened," Shinji quietly said to himself as he cowered into a ball.

"What? Never seen and accident before?" Misato angrily asked Shinji. The boy just continued to stay scrunched up in his seat.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?" screamed a wigger looking guy dressed up in a suit from the passenger's seat of the car that they collided with. "CAN'T YOU SEE THAT WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUNERAL PROCESSION?"

At that moment, all of Misato's rage magically faded and was replaced with feeling of being a… um… jerk, asshole, bitch, whatever term you find appropriate. Now that she had carefully examined the situation, she realized the damage that they had done. Looking up and down the road, Misato saw a huge line of cars following a hearse. The driver's side of the car was pretty banged up and the woman driver looked pretty shaken up.

"Oh my freakin'…" Misato started, "Shinji, why the hell didn't you warn me!"

"I did but you were…" as Shinji was talking the sound of angry yells from friends and family of Misato's victim's filled the air, making the two of them feel even worse.

Misato slowly got out of the car to apologize and got ready to exchange information as wigger boy was making a call on his cell phone. "I'm so…" Misato started but stopped when everyone gave her a very intimidating look putting her in a very… awkward position. She then returned to her car and sat next to Shinji, fearing the rage of the mourners (I'm sorry but this sentence just sounds funny to me).

"I think it would be best to just wait and see what happens…" Misato calmly said, sinking into her seat.

Moments later, the cops and an ambulance arrived at the scene (seeing as how quickly they responded, I would say that Tokyo-3 is a pretty good area to live in, that is if you don't mind the Angel attacks). The driver of the other car had to be carried off via stretcher. Soon enough they got each other's insurance information and after a little talk with the popo, Misato and Shinji were free to go, but they would later have another cop drop by their place for further questioning.

"I still can't believe that that just happened…" said Misato as they drove home.

"I know… why didn't you tell me that you could drive in your sleep?"

Misato refused to respond to this comment, just because of the pure stupidity of it. And that's the way it was all the way back to the apartment, nice and awkwardly silent.

"Oh man, that was the longest ten minutes of my life," Misato sighed as she got out of the car. As she walked towards the staircase she finally noticed something that everyone would've checked out first if they were in an accident. "OH MY GAWD! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN TO MY BEAUTIFUL CAR!"

"Were you still asleep those last ten minutes?"

"NO! AND I WAS SAVING UP FOR A VACATION TO HAWAII WITH KAJI AND PEN-PEN TOO! GAH!" Misato continued to sob and cry over the sight over her banged up car as Shinji just looked on, not knowing what to do.

"Misato-san, I think you're disturbing the neighbors."

"WHO CARES ABOUT THE NEIGHBORS AT A TIME LIKE THIS! WAAAH! I NEED A BEER!"

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A/N: Okay, it's like I said, this is something that acutally happend to my dad an brother on a Saturday morning. Keep reading if you want to.You won't find this anywhere on the internet. So, the basic story behind this scenario is really what happend. One day when they were driving home my dad wasn't really paying attention and my brother tried to warn my dad, but it was too late. The part about the wigger yelling and the lady being shaken up is all true and a cop really did come to our house later. It's funny cuz my dad made me clean the house so that the cops wouldn't think that we were dirty, well, it wasn't funny for me cuz I had to do some actual work. But then it turned out that the cop just talked to us from outside. The good news tho is that the lady went to the hospital and it turned out that she was perfectly fine, but we did have to get our car repaired and our insurance rate shot through the roof. We just got the car out of the shop like yesterday.Now that sucks. What's the lesson here today? Get enough sleep or you'll end up regreting it. Holy crap this is one long note and I actually used honorifics... whoa. 


	5. An Afterthought

**So You Think Your Day Sucks…**

A/N: Okay, so I kinda rushed this one to, actually, I rush all of these scenarios... But that doesn't matter, you still like it right? Anywayz, with this new installment, we return to our favorite NERV operatives and their current predicament. ENJOI!

Scenario 5: An Afterthought

Back in Valdez, Alaska, clean up crew leaders Maya, Shigeru, and Makoto were lazing around in the company lounge, grieving over the horrendous result of the ceremony.

"After today, I feel a little discouraged…" Maya quietly said staring up at the ceiling lamp as she lay limply on the sofa. "I mean, not only did we make those poor creatures suffer through the oil spill accident but we also sent them to their death right after we completely cleaned them off. I mean, it's like we were dangling a second chance at life in front of them and just when just when they think they got it, Shamu comes out of nowhere and eats them whole… and snatches that chance right out of their hands."

"I think that they have flipper thingies… not hands," observed Shigeru who had obviously been sedated… or drugged.

"…" Maya glared at her long haired companion who had, up till then, been happily playing his air guitar. "Would you like another round?"

"Yes please," he responded unnaturally politely.

At that moment Maya shot up with a syringe full of air in hand and started marching over to Shigeru.

"Hey, hey, don't make me have to sedate you too," Makoto warned as he held her back. He led her back to her seat as if she was some kind of mental patient, an I don't think that she was far from it at the moment. "Now you just sit there and I'll get you a nice hot cup of coffee. You take milk and lots of sugar, right?"

"Yes…" Maya resumed her blank staring at the ceiling light, amused at how there would always be glowing little balls when she looked away from it. "Thanks," she said as she took the mug of coffee. "Sorry that I'm acting a little… out of control right now."

"Oh that's nothing, well at least compared to what Shigeru did." Hyuga took this moment to stare outside at the handiwork of his long haired friend. There was also the gigantic harpoon sticking through the door from when Shigeru decided to turn his sights on his Hyuga who was trying to control him.

"Today has just been a total mess, and right now I'm a complete wreck," said Maya in between sips of coffee.

"You look it too," commented Shigeru. He quickly ducked out of the way as a mug of hot coffee came flying towards his head. "Wow, you have a really good arm!" he said as hot coffee dripped down his jacket.

"Maya," Hyuga said warningly like his was her dad. "Now if you do something like that again, I'm going to have to sit you in the time out chair outside naked." Okay, he didn't say that but it would be really funny if he did.

"I'm sorry, today is just really bad…"

"I know, I know," Hyuga comforted as he patter her on the back.

"If you this day is bad," said Shigeru, "imagine this:

You're a Siamese twin.

Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.

You're not.

He has a date coming over today.

But you have the only ass."

Maya and Hyuga, both disgusted and speechless, just stared at their friend who was obviously not feeling much like himself. I just want to know what the hell they put in those sedatives.

"Feel better now?" Shigeru asked.

Maya, who was holding herself back, took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. "No, I don't feel better, and you know what, I don't think I would like to work with you anymore."

"Well, I don't work with you anymore either, lesbian." Shigeru responded. "I mean there are a whole lot of people out there who would like to get with you, even the great Kaji was about to make about with you… what a waste…"

Throughout that who response, Maya's rage had slowly been building until she finally snapped, and her outbreak was way worse than Shigeru's. Hyuga, unable to do anything, just watched as Maya released all that pent up rage. As much as wanted to help his poor and defenseless friend, he could do nothing but watch. Actually I think that Hyuga was kind of turned on by Maya's rampage of doom.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Hyuga quietly said to himself. "This stuff is great; I could sell it on EBay."

And so, the angry Maya rampage of doom (that I will not describe because of the TEEN rating on this fic) continued in the icy cold of Valdez, Alaska.

A/N: Well, that sure turned out a lot different than I originally planned... longer too. Whatever, I like, it, do you like it? Cuz I know a certain little pink puff ball that does! Okay yeah, there's something wrong with this site today and I can't use the ruler thingies, so yeah, they would be above this A/N and below the one at the top. So, boo, I'm sad, cuz it's not uniform... I looks sloppy... Makes me emo...


	6. Love Your Job

**So You Think Your Day Sucks…**

A/N: I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!! Wow, can you believe it!? I'm actually alive! And updating!!! WOTTA SHOCKER!!! Okay, all that aside, I just gotta apologize for the extremely long wait that I put you guys through just to see this chapter. So let me make my pathetic excuse here. I'm a student, I'm involved in extracurricular activities and I'm a musician. Not only that but I just got out of an audition from this morning. Writing is more of a hobby than a priority to me, and I'm sorry again for the wait but hey, you're reading this to brighten your day! Cheer up and… ENJOI!

Scenario 6: Love Your Job

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Shigeru Aoba is a commercial saturation diver. When he's not doing volunteer work with his close friends, Maya Ibuki and Makoto Hyuga, he performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is a detailed account of one of the many exciting days of his life.

It was just another day at work. Shigeru was performing his daily contribution to society when something much unexpected broke the norm.

But before I can tell you what happened to our good friend I have to explain to you what exactly this man does. Shigeru is a commercial saturation diver. Shigeru's office lies at the bottom of the sea. Shigeru wears a suit. Shigeru's suit is a wetsuit. The End.

Anywayz, back to the story. The air above sea level was nice and crisp and the water was clear and cool, although a bit too cool for the Shigeru's taste. Fortunately for him, his company was generous enough to buy this $20,000 diesel powered industrial water heater… thingy that sucks up water from the sea, heats it to an ever so delightful temperature, then sends it back down through a garden hose attached to his wetsuit (a pretty darn good idea if I do say so myself). When he starts working he takes the hose and stuffs it down the back of the wetsuit, flooding the whole suit with warm water, kind of like working in a Jacuzzi. Seems like a pretty nice situation, doesn't it? Sadly, that's how most things in the world seems at first, let's just hope that you realize that before it's too late. Unfortunately for Shigeru, this was not the case.

In order to fully enjoy, er, get a better perspective of the situation, the scene will now switch to the main office of "Kraping's Aqua Repairs Inc." Here supervisor Kiel was happily eating his McFlurry, or at least he was until he was rudely interrupted by the beeping of the communicator on his desk. As much as he wanted to take another bite, he knew that he wouldn't be able to truly appreciate that Oreo and vanilla ice cream goodness while that annoying beeping was going on.

"Yeah?" Kiel grunted as he put his McFlurry down onto a coaster.

"Hey, Kiel," Shigeru grumbled over the communicator, "I've got a question for you."

"Oh, it's just you," said Kiel as he picked up his McFlurry. "What is it now?"

"Uh, it's kind of a personal matter so could we keep this private?"

Keep this private. Those three words echoed in Kiel's ears like the sweet sound of a choir. This was the perfect opportunity for him to get revenge on Shigeru for that Tabasco in the soda can prank he pulled last week. But first, he needed to make sure that this wasn't too good to be true. "Can you say that again? I can barely hear you," Kiel lied.

Shigeru let out a few groans of pain before repeating, "I have a personal problem. Can we keep this private?"

At that moment a sly grin spread across Kiel's face. "Sure, sure, no problem, let me just move somewhere quieter," he said as he beckoned the rest of the office over and put the call on the intercom.

"Yeah, well, uh, you know how you wanted me to dive into that new tank today, right?"

"Mm-hmm. What about it?" Kiel put his finger to his lips to warn his curious employees that were gathering in his office to keep silent.

"Well, while I was working on the pipes, urg," Shigeru inhaled sharply, "you know the water heater that keeps my suit warm? It was working fine until my, uh, butt started to itch, so I scratched it."

A few of the divers chuckled and Kiel had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing. "So what happened after that?"

"After that I was starting to get this burning sensation down there so I pulled out the hose out because I thought that the water was getting overheated, but that wasn't it." Shigeru paused, leaving his co-workers waiting in anticipation.

"And?" said Kiel impatiently. "What was the problem?"

Shigeru grunted then said as calmly as he could, "There's a jellyfish jammed up my butt."

That sentence was the gold that Kiel was looking for to exact his revenge. Needless to say, everyone in Kraping's Aqua Repairs burst out laughing. "Holy mother of…!" exclaimed Kiel when he got a hold of himself. "How did a jellyfish get stuck in your butt?"

"I don't know! I guess it must've gotten sucked up then slid right past my back, since I got it waxed the other day. But my butt wasn't as lucky because the last time I waxed down there it hurt like hell! This jellyfish is doing some massive damage! I'd rather get my crack waxed over this any day." There was a long pause while Shigeru waited for his superior to respond, but he and the rest of the people in the office were too busy trying not to die from laughter. "So what am I supposed to do?"

"Hold on, give me a second, I'll call you back and tell you what to do." As soon as Kiel cut the call off he and rest of the world immediately resumed their hysteric laughter. "Well, said Kiel after finally regaining his composure, "what should we do next?"

Everyone in the room looked around at each other. "Here, let me talk to him," said one man, "I have an idea." Without hesitation, Kiel handed over command of the communicator. "Hello, am I speaking with Shigeru?"

"Yeah," he answered. "Who are you?"

"I'm from Emergency Services," the man lied. "I'm going to ask you a couple of questions and I'm going to need you to answer them to the best of your ability so we can help you as best as we can, is that okay?"

"Well, yeah, it's not like have any other choice."

"Okay then, I'll start with the first question. When did you first notice the itching?"

"Uh, I'm not really sure, I guess about ten minutes after I got in the water."

"Ten minutes… Can you tell me what kind of jellyfish it is?"

"What kind of jellyfish? How am I supposed to know that?"

"A description would be fine."

Shigeru groaned. "It's stuck under my suit. I can't describe it to you if I can't see it, can I?"

"Then I'm going to have to ask you to take your suit off and describe it to me."

There was a moment of silence. "I am not taking my suit off. Do you want me to die in this pressure? And it's not like I can talk to you while I'm buck naked."

"I see. Is there anything swelling in areas besides where the jellyfish is lodged?"

Shigeru groaned impatiently. "How do you expect me to be able to tell that without taking my suit off?"

"Just feel around the area your hand and tell me if anything seems abnormal."

"Feel myself with my hand, as if I didn't feel violated enough already," Shigeru growled as he proceeded to inspect himself. "My entire crotch area is swollen. The goods are intact, thank God, but the ABC is really swollen."

"What do you mean the ABC?"

"My ABC. You know, Ass-Ball Connection."

"ABC! That's a good one!" Everyone in the office laughed out loud.

"Are there any other discomforts that I should know about?" the man asked.

"Yeah, when I move my leg it… Hold on a minute. Hyuga, is that you!?" he screamed.

Hyuga started laughing like a crazed man. "Oh damn, you caught me," he said. "I was wondering how long I could keep this up."

"What the hell! What are you doing here?"

"Wait 'til Maya gets a load of this. Man is she going to regret not coming with me," said Hyuga.

"Dude, shut up and let me talk to Kiel already."

"I'm sorry Shigeru," said Kiel once he took back the communicator. "But this is what happens when you mess with my drinks."

"What! Are you serious! You're making me suffer all this crap just because of that little prank!?"

"Hey, I didn't shove that shit up your ass," Kiel laughed.

"Are you going to help me out or what? Hey, are you even listening? Quit laughing, it's not funny! This seriously hurts! Would you guys stop being such dicks and tell me what to do already!"

When everyone had calmed down enough for them to have an intelligent conversation, Kiel instructed Shigeru to abort the mission and return to the office to receive proper medical attention. But before he could resurface and start a chamber dry decompression, Shigeru needed to do three in-water decompression stops for 35 agonizing minutes, wearing nothing but his brass helmet. After that, he climbed out of the water to find the medic, tears of laughter streaming down his face, who handed him a cream and told him to rub it on the his swollen butt as soon as he got in the chamber. The cream succeeded in putting the fire out but there was nothing that could be done for the swelling and as a result, Shigeru could not poop for the next two days.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

A/N: Dear readers, please remember to exercise your democratic right on Election Day… or you won't get the right to bitch, hahaha!


	7. Karma's a KIRBY!

**So You Think Your Day Sucks…**

A/N: Today's scenario takes place in an AU of my AU of Gestapo NERV which was featured in scenario 4. Fun, huh?

Oh my, the last scenario contained quite a bit of foul language, didn't it? In order make up for this, all naughty word in this scenario will be replaced with the phrase, "KIRBY!" in order to bring you happy feelings as opposed to the yucky feelings of dirty words. With that in mind… ENJOI!

* * *

Scenario 7: Karma's a KIRBY!

In the future, the world will be plagued with the most disastrous phenomena ever to be experienced by mankind. Fighter jets and missiles patrolling the airways like flocks of death, skies tainted with an everlasting hue of red, and the seas a swampy mire over laden with human filth and bodies. A world plunged into the shadows and painted in crimson...

Until that time comes, let's just be glad that we don't live in the future. No sense in brooding over things that don't concern us, right? With that in mind, I bring you to the alternate world of Gestapo NERV where a certain local terrorist means to bring the world closer to the apocalypse with a plan to destroy his mortal enemy... Pen Pen! Er, I mean Gendo Ikari!

In the backwater trailer park that he called his "Domain of DOOM," Ramiel was slowly but surely bringing about the master plan of all destruction to its fruition.

"Bwahaha! And with this I seal your fate!" Ramiel cackled as he dramatically slapped a sticky stamp on an envelope. "Yes, with this perfectly innocent looking 9.5 by 4.13 inch letter I shall bring ruin to that vile Ikari and his pesky NERV!" Ramiel took the next few seconds to relish this monumental step with another outburst of psychotic cackling and a triumphant thrust of the letter into the air.

As he walked out to the mail box to complete his plan of evil, Ramiel pictured his sick and twisted plan bringing the world to his feet. "Hehe, the world _will_ be mine! I can see it all now..."

(A/N: The following scene is best imagined as really bad crayon drawings of a little kid, or Rukia style, which ever suits you best.)

Far beneath the Earth's surface was a very large and dimly lit room, a room which Gendo liked to call his "Domain of DOOM!" Here in this room, where much conspiring took place, was the evil mastermind himself attempting one of the evilest feats known to mankind.

"Argh! MotherKIRBY!" screamed the evil mastermind as he watched Ryu Hayabusa die for the 32048th time. "Fuyutsuki! Tell me who's KIRBY! idea it was to make this Ninja Gaiden game so KIRBY! hard!"

Fuyutsuki gulped as he carefully thought over his answer. "Ah, well, you see sir…" the old man stammered. He noticed that Gendo had one of his hands under his desk, which was probably holding his beloved AA12.

"Fuyutsuki," said the man with the sunglasses in the dark room, "if you don't give me a straight answer right now I'll give you… _THE CHAIR!_

The old man's heart skipped a beat. The mere mentioning of the dreaded chair would force him to relive some of the most horrifying moments of his life. "Er, well," he began reluctantly. "The people who created this game are, uh, the people from Tecmo."

For a while there was complete silence. Fuyutsuki stared at Gendo, Gendo stared at Fuyutski, Gendo gave an acknowledging 'hmm' and assumed that infamous pose of his. "Tecmo…" he repeated.

"Yes, sir," Fuyutsuki confirmed.

"I see," said Gendo. "They're the same people that created 'Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Vollyball.'"

"Yes sir."

Gendo nodded, picked up his controller from his desk and resumed his game. "I'll let them go this time. They still need the time to improve their breast physics. DOA X2 was too exaggerated. It took away all of the appeal. I felt that they took a step backwards from the first one." Fuyutsuki nodded his head in agreement. "Well, Alma, you and your shiny purple KIRBY! won't get the best of me this time."

"Good luck, sir," Fuyutsuki said.

Gendo gave a grunt of some sort and began to concentrate his focus. Just as the fight was starting, a man entered the "Domain of DOOM!" in quite the obnoxious manner.

"Hey Commander!" called out a young man carrying a duffle bag with the Priority Mail logo stamped all over it. "I have your mail for you! You're going to freak when you see what just came in for you!"

For a split second this rude interruption broke Gendo's concentration. For a split second poor Ryu Hayabusa missed his aerial attack on Alma who then took chunk after unreasonably huge chunk of life away, eventually leading to another death for the poor ninja. When he saw that oh so familiar "_Game Over_" screen, Gendo sighed, tossed his remote onto his desk, and then rested his head in his hand.

"Look at this!" The mail kid took off the duffle bag dumped everything inside of it on top of Gendo's very new and very expensive, super-sensitive wireless remote. "See," he held up a shrink wrapped magazine, "this is the latest edition of Sports Illustrated with a complementary swimsuit calendar! And this here is your special order of the original Onimusha trilogy set that you've been waiting for the past six years."

Gendo drummed his fingers on his desk impatiently as he watched the kid carelessly throw his precious swimsuit calendar and Capcom games to the side of his desk. "Ooh! You've also got the new Miracle Blade IV set and, well, some bills, and a nice big box from eBay which…"

BLAM! Before the mail guy could finish his sentence Gendo fired a shot from his AA12 straight into his face. BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! …And into his crotch, gut, chest, throat, etc. The poor guy was literally blown to smithereens. The only thing that left of the man was a bloody hand lying by the eBay box.

"Fuyutski," said Gendo as he blew the smoke from the barrel, "get the janitor in here."

"Yes, sir," the old man said. He pulled out his cell phone and quickly texted a message to the cleanup crew.

Figuring that he might as well sort out his mail now that his concentration was thrown off, Gendo flicked the remaining hand off his desk and picked up the box wondering what was inside.

"Careful, sir, we don't know what could be inside of that box," said Fuyutsuki as his commander reached for his letter opener.

Right before he cut the box open Gendo froze and slowly started lowering the box. "Yes," he said, "like a bomb or a bag full of anthrax. You open it."

"What!? Wait, I…!" As the old man was about to suggest that they text someone to check out the box for them, the letter opener and box came flying at him. Luckily, Fuyutsuki was able to save himself with those lighting reflexes of his. He looked at the package in his arms then at Gendo who was already positioned in his favorite pose and then back again at the package. Taking a deep breath, Fuyutsuki slowly started opening the box, being careful to not pull the flaps open too quickly. When he had lifted the flap high enough, he took at peek inside to check out what was inside. He froze, then… "Aaaaaaahhh!" squealed the old man.

"Aaaahhh!" screamed Gendo in response and threw his arms up to shield himself. Ten seconds later, after he realized that he was still alive, he peered between his arms and saw Fuyutsuki standing there, crying. "Fuyutsuki," he said, "what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," he sniffled and held up the item from the box. "It's just that, I'm got so excited. The complete series of _Grey's Anatomy_ is finally here."

Gendo's jaw dropped. "Ooh! Lemme see! Lemme see!" Fuyutsuki walked over to hand the box set to Gendo. But instead of taking highly coveted _Grey's Anatomy_ complete series he grabbed the box it was shipped in and chucked back straight into the old man's face, sending all the packing peanuts and bubble wrap flying all over the place. "Don't KIRBY! scare me like that! And what are you crying for!?"

"Sorry, sir. They are happy tears," he sobbed as Gendo snatched the Blu-rays from his hands.

"I'll save you for later," said Gendo. He kissed the box set then set it down next to the rest of his goodies. In the middle of his desk laid the stack of bills and other junk mail. Knowing that he would forget about it later if he put it off, Gendo picked up the pile and started to sort through it. "Cell phone bill, electricity bill, Value Pak coupons, Christian Children's Fund, insurance… Hmm? A letter from Santa?" In his hands was a very innocent 9.5 by 4.13 envelop with the return address: Santa, North Pole. Unsuspecting, Gendo got excited and started to rip it open, thinking that Santa finally sent him back some advice on how to get Shinji to like him. The second the letter was opened, an eerie high-pitched humming sound started emitting from the envelope. "Oh KIR…"

It was too late. That one tiny letter exploded causing the destruction headquarters of NERV bringing about a chain of events that eventually lead to the collapse of the entire Geofront.

-END OF UNECESSARILY LONG IMAGINARY SCENE-

Outside of his trailer, Ramiel was once again cackling as he stood beside his mailbox. "Bwahahaha! My plan is flawless!" he proclaimed as he carefully placed the envelope inside the mailbox. As he was walk back into his trailer he noticed that there was a package sitting under his rocking chair. Curious, he grabbed the box and read the label. "Amazon," he said. "What did I order from… No way! My collector's edition of _Grey's Anatomy_ is here already!? Yes! It's marathon time!" With package in hand, our little terrorist happily ran into his home for so very necessary couch potato time.

-1 week later

Inside of the terrorist's "Domain of DOOM" a laughing Ramiel sat in his couch surrounded by beer cans and empty bags of Doritos. "Whoo! Sandra Oh, you get the best lines. And Bailey, you are just too awesome!"

He paused the video so he could take the time to stretch and wipe tears from his eyes. Figuring that sitting in the couch for one week straight wasn't the greatest idea, Ramiel thought he would take this opportunity to stretch his legs with a little walk to his mail box.

"Wow, I actually got mail," he said as he pulled the four lonely letters. "Bill, bill, junk, and… what's this?" The last letter was had a big "Return to Sender" stamped on it.

Forgetting that it was the bomb he opened the letter which then started the high-pitched humming sound. "Oh KIR…" The next second, everything within a two meter radius was blown to bits.

Moral of the story: Enjoy _Grey's Anatomy_ responsibly.

* * *

A/N: See, good things _do_ come to those who wait. That's right kids! No Doubt is back on tour! Oh snap!

On a little side note, I was watching Sesame Street the other day (don't judge me) and Sandra Oh was there as a guest. She was acting as a Fairy Cookie lady. That just totally made my day.


	8. Never Threaten Asuka

**So You Think Your Day Sucks…**

A/N: There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't… ENJOI!

* * *

Scenario 8: Never Threaten Asuka

"Ooh, if you would just get out of my garden life would be easier for the both of us."

For the past twenty minutes Yui had been struggling with the most stubborn patch of crab grass she had ever encountered in her life. Uprooting the weeds in her garden normally wouldn't have to take so much effort but with her husband unable to work due to severe injuries Yui needed to pull back to back overtime shifts at Gehirn just to make ends meet. Fortunately, her old professor was generous enough to help pay off most of Gendo's hospital bill. He said that eighty hours of work a week would probably kill her and that she needed to rest before she ended up in the hospital as well. So what does she do now that she has her life back in control? She immediately goes home to labor out in the scorching sun, hunched over for hours just to maintain her prized vegetable garden.

"That does it," Yui scowled as she took up her trusty trowel, "I didn't want to resort to this but I need to get started on dinner soon!"

As Yui mercilessly tore chunk after chunk of weeds out of the ground she failed to notice the car pulling up in front of her house. The sound of the car doors slamming shut pulled her attention away from her current conflict. Looking down the hill, Yui immediately recognized her guests, a woman accompanied by a young girl carrying a ball, climbing up the stairs. Smiling, she stood up and quickly went to meet them.

"If I would've known you'd be here so soon I would've cleaned up already. Do you always have to catch me when I look my worst, Kyoko?"

"Well, it's not like you care that I think you look like bum at home," the woman replied.

"Very true." She looked at the little girl who was swinging her hand back and forth with Kyoko's while the two adults carried on with their conversation then turned to her and said, "Hello there, Asuka. And how are you?"

"Hi, Aunt Yui, I'm feeling great!" the little girl said.

"What do you have there?" Yui asked, pointing to the rubber ball under her arm.

"It's a ball," little Asuka said happily. "Daddy said that if I would be a good girl he would buy me a toy from the store so I was good for the whooole week and he got me this pretty ball!"

"It's a very pretty red, the same color as your hair."

"Yup! I picked this ball because red my faaaavorite-ist color!" Asuka said as she tossed the ball in the air and caught it. "Can Shinji come play with me and my new ball?"

"Of course! Let me call him for you. Shinji!" Yui called out as they walked approached the front of the house. "Shinji, Asuka is here! Why don't you come down and play with her?" The three of them waited a little while for a response but hear nothing. "Hmm, I guess Shinji must be practicing playing his cello."

"HEY, SHINJI!" screamed Asuka. "DO YOU WANT TO…!"

"Asuka," Kyoko scolded, "it's not nice to scream outside. You'll disturb the neighbors."

"Oh, sorry," said Asuka as she covered her mouth with her hand.

"Don't worry about it, Gendo is always making such a ruckus with that motorcycle of his," Yui said. "Why don't you go up and fetch Shinji? He should be upstairs in his room."

"Ok!" Giggling, Asuka ran into the house with ball in hand.

Yui chuckled as she watched the girl scramble up the stairs with those tiny legs of hers. "She just keeps getting more energetic, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she is. Each and every day," Kyoko sighed as she took as seat on the porch bench. "Her father and his wife are having such a hard time trying to keep her under control."

"Oh, is that what that ball is for?" said Yui as she offered her friend a bottle of water which had been chilling in a cooler on the bench.

Kyoko nodded as she took a sip of water. "It's actually quite a funny story." She paused when she heard the thunderous sound of two pairs of feet. "Asuka, don't pull Shinji down the stairs, he can walk down on his own."

"But he's being so slow," said the little girl as her mother stopped her to straighten out her skirt.

"Well, you're just going to have to learn to be patient. How are you, Shinji? I hope Asuka isn't bothering your practicing," Kyoko said turning to the boy as Asuka ran off.

"I'm okay. I'm done practicing already so it's fine," said the boy.

Completely forgetting what her mother said before she ran off Asuka called out loudly for the boy. "C'mon Shinji, hurry up!"

"Go on, just don't play too close to the stairs," said Yui to her son before Kyoko could say anything. "So, what is this funny story?"

Kyoko watched in amusement as she watched Asuka let Shinji hold her new ball. "Well, there was this incident at the bank last week…"

-One week ago at the First Bank of the Third Tokyo

Inside of the bank Asuka stood next to her step-mother, who was patiently waiting to deposit her check, quietly sang to herself, rocking back and forth on her heels.

"_Eine kleine Geige möcht ich haben  
Eine kleine Geige hätt ich gern.  
Alle tage spielt ich mir zwei,  
Drei Stücken oder vier  
Und sänge und spränge gar lustig herum."_

_  
_"That's a cute song. What's it called?" asked the current Mrs. Souryu.

"_Eine kleine Geige_ and that means 'A Little Violin,'" explained the little girl. Bored again the little girl started to spin around in circles on her heel and accidentally kicked the man behind them... over and over again. Unaware of how annoyed the man was getting Asuka just continued to spin and hum to herself.

"_Di-del-di-del-dum-dum,  
di-del-di-del-dum,  
di-del-di-del-dum-dum,  
dum-dum-dum."_

"Excuse me, little girl, but could you please stop kicking my," said the man as calmly as he could.

"I'm sorry. Asuka, apologize to this man for kicking him," said Mrs. Souryu when Asuka failed to hear she then pulled Asuka near her.

"Sorry," she said nonchalantly. "I'm dizzy… can I get a gum ball?" said the little red head pointing to a machine in the corner.

"Yes, but you need to stop disturbing the other people, please," said her step-mother as handed her a 50 yen coin.

Asuka nodded then proceeded to stumble towards the gum ball machine. After retrieving her gum ball she performed a victory dance skipping around the entire bank. Then she knocked over the post holding the rope causing a chain reaction of the posts falling one after the other with a loud "CLANG!" as the heavy metal hit the marble floor. Some people laughed, some people gave Mrs. Souryu looks of disgust and annoyance.

Finally drawing the line, Mrs. Souryu marched over to Asuka and grabbed her by the arm and said, "If you don't start behaving right now I'm going to have to punish you."

To her horror, Asuka looker her straight in the eye and said in an equally threatening tone, "If you don't let go of me right now I will tell my mommy I saw you kissing daddy's pee-pee last night!"

A deafening silence filled the room, even the tellers stopped what they were doing. Mustering up the last of her dignity, Mrs. Souryu walked out of the bank with Asuka in tow. The last thing she heard as the doors closed behind her was the screams of laughter of everyone in the bank.

-End Flashback

Yui laughed uncontrollably when Kyoko had finished her story. "Asuka is going to be a handful when she grows up, isn't she?"

Kyoko sighed. "Handful is an understatement." She shook her head as she watched Shinji and Asuka playing.

"Here, Shinji, catch!" said Asuka as she beamed the ball straight at Shinji's head. Shinji yelped as he was knocked straight to the ground just by the sheer force of the throw (that girl has some arm, huh). "No, Shinji, you're supposed to catch it, like this." Asuka lightly tossed the ball in the air and caught it.

"O… Okay," said Shinji as he stood back up, rubbing the bump on his head. "Ow!" Shinji shouted as he was sent flying back a couple of feet.

"You're not doing it right! Mom, Shinji isn't any fun! Can you tell him to do it right?"

The woman turned to Yui. "Poor Shinji, he's going to be the only boy that can withstand Asuka when they grow up."

* * *

A/N: Is it just me or are these latest installments not funny? : (


	9. Blocked

**So You Think Your Day Sucks…**

A/N: Loofah is a fun word yet Microsoft Word refuses to recognize it. I never have anything important to say in these notes so please don't feel obligated to read them… Seriously, you're not missing out on anything.

The title of this chapter not only accurately sums up the chapter but my sentiment while writing it as well… ENJOI!

* * *

Scenario 9: Blocked

In the world where Scenario 1 took place, we join a young college couple attempting to conquer one of the greatest hardships of being in a relationship. Their area of choice to resolve this difficult matter is none other than the pond hidden away in the woods which surround the campus. It is a difficult place to find for those who have never been there before. However, the ambiance created by this secluded retreat is perfect for students who wish to find peace after a stressful day of classes or perhaps even just to relax before that exam they completely forgot about. Oh, and I should add that going here for non-class/club related activities is trespassing. But who cares about details? Anywayz, on to the story.

"You want me to do what!" the young man exclaimed as he took a step away from his girlfriend.

"I want you to have dinner with me and my parents tonight," she repeated.

He stared straight into her eyes, wondering if this was another one of her jokes. If it was, it was a very cruel one, and if it wasn't, well, that would be even worse. Unfortunately for him, there were no hints of deception in her eyes.

"You're really serious about this, aren't you?" he asked as he placed his hand on her arm.

"Kaji, I've been talking to you about this for the past three months."

"But we were discussing when we would do it, we never set an actual date. This is kind of sudden. You could've given me some kind of warning."

"Yeah, well, I just told you right now didn't I?" Kaji rolled his eyes. "It's not like you have anything else to do tonight. What's the big deal?"

"Meeting your parents is the big deal, Misato! It's not one of those things that you can just announce out of the blue like you did just now."

Misato ran her hand through her curled, violet hair, which Kaji recognized as one of her nervous habits. "I'm sorry but I can't help it, my parents literally just called me a couple of hours ago." She held up her cell phone to show him her call history. "I'm just as unprepared as you are." Kaji sighed and scratched the back of his head, ruffling his scraggly hair. "Aw, come on, my parents aren't bad, they just want an excuse to see their wonderful daughter who's been away at college."

"Haha, yeah right," Kaji said trying to sound unamused as he turned his head to the side to hide the smirk on his face.

"Please just do this for me," she said wrapping her arms around his waist. Then she whispered in his ear, "It would mean _so_ much to me."

He could feel her breath on his skin, giving him a more than pleasant feeling. "Well, if this means a lot to you then I'll do it," said Kaji.

She grinned knowing that she had Kaji pinned. Oh yes, Misato knows how to work her charms. "Thank you, thank you so much!" she said giving him a tight squeeze and a peck on the cheek. "You have no idea how excited I am about this! My mom got off work early and my dad got us reservations at Takamura."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Takamura! _The_ Takamura! Isn't that place insanely expensive?" Misato just smiled all sparkly eyed, thinking over what she was going to order when they got there. "You're drooling! I knew it! Your parents put you up to this with a trip to some fancy restaurant!"

"That is so not true!" Misato lied.

"What's not true?" asked a girl as she approached the two, her bleached blonde hair bouncing with each step.

"Misato's trying to deny that she didn't get bribed by food to get me to have dinner with her parents," Kaji quickly responded.

"You were definitely bribed," said faux blonde. "Ew, Misato, what's with the drool? Did you forget to check your mouth after falling asleep in lecture again?"

"Shut up, Ritsuko," said Misato as she wiped the side of her mouth. "You know I always check myself in the mirror." Note how she didn't deny falling asleep.

"Oh yeah, I know you can't leave your room without that thing. Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"

"We wanted to have this conversation somewhere calming 'cuz I might have an aneurism if we were anywhere else," said Kaji. "Why are _you_ here? Aren't you supposed to be shadowing at the hospital?"

"I just got off and I came here to relax after an embarrassing day," said Ritsuko.

"Ooh, do tell," encouraged Misato in hopes of gathering more blackmail material on her overachieving roommate.

"Well, around noon this man runs into the ER all panicking and yelling that his wife is about to have her baby in the cab. Since Dr. Morinaga is really cool with me he tells me to grab his stuff and I rush out to the cab with him. While he's getting everything ready he tells me take off the woman's underwear. So I lift up her dress and when I'm about to take off her underwear she screams and kicks me in the head. That's when the doctor noticed that there was more than one cab in the loop and we were in the wrong one."

Both Misato and Kaji busted out laughing. Even though they knew they probably shouldn't they couldn't help themselves. You know this happens to you too.

"Sorry Rits, if it makes you feel any better, I'm glad that she didn't harm your gorgeous face," said Misato after recovering.

"No need to worry about that, all she did was give me a few stitches in the temple," Ritsuko said sarcastically and parted her hair to show them the gnarly battle wound she received from trying to remove an unwilling woman's undergarments. "Other than that I'm perfectly fine."

"Good, 'cuz I couldn't live knowing that I wouldn't be able to wake up to your perfect visage every day."

"Ugh, cut it out Misato. I can smell the bullshit coming out of your mouth," said Kaji fanning the air with his hand.

Misato gave him a well deserved jab to the arm. "Alright you, it's almost 2 o'clock, time to get moving. We have about four hours before the dinner and lord knows you're going to need every second cleaning this up," Misato said patting Kaji's stubble covered face.

"Yeah, yeah. Ritsuko, do me a favor and make sure she dresses herself appropriately. I don't want her parents thinking I'm responsible for turning her into a little slut." Kaji laughed as he dodged another punch from Misato. "I'll pick you up in a few hours." He ran off before Misato could chase after him.

"Ugh, prick. You don't think I look slutty do you?" Misato asked, turning around for Ritsuko to see.

The faux blonde looked her roommate up and down. Her hair was styled into elegant curls with bangs swept to the side. Her makeup was very light and natural; just bit of foundation, mascara and a pale rose-colored lipstick. A black cropped jacket with ¾ sleeves and two large buttons were left open to reveal her plain white camisole. On the lower portion of her body she wore a pair of boot-cut, destroyed jeans and 4-inch black, open-toe Gucci slingbacks. As for accessories, there was a pair of 2-inch silver hoops hanging from her ears, a lightly-tanned braided leather belt with an etched floral design around her waist, a silver Seiko watch in form of a bracelet on her left wrist, a hair tie on her right, and silver rings around her right thumb and ring finger. Last but not least was that silver cross pendant, given to her by her father, which she always wore.

"Hmm, you want my honest opinion?" asked Ritsuko after finishing her examination. Misato nodded earnestly. "Well, if we were going to hang out tonight I'd say you look pretty cute. Except for the jeans, they're so passé."

"Hey, the correct word is vintage!"

"Ah, ah, ah, don't interrupt me. I have a legit reason to criticize you and I'm gonna milk this opportunity for all its worth so shut up and let me finish." Misato huffed and crossed her arms. "As I was saying the way you're dressed would be perfect for a party, but not dinner with your parents at some fancy restaurant. First of all, that's my belt. The hair is too big for your parents; they're going to think that you look like a hooker. Your top would be fine if it didn't accentuate your humungous boobs so much. Those destroyed jeans are too sexy for the older generation and hoop earrings have always screamed 'trashy' at me. All that aside, the shoes are very sophisticated and the lighter the makeup the better."

The two of them stood there in silence as Misato processed everything that Ritsuko had said. After a while Misato nodded in acknowledgement. "Wow, all of that makes total sense. I didn't know you had any sense in fashion."

"Huh, neither did I. Oh God, look what happens when I live with you for two years."

"Aw, I'm so proud of you!" Misato exclaimed as she embraced her roommate. "I'm sure your new found grasp on the superficial will help you finally find a boyfriend someday."

Ritsuko laughed. She was used to Misato taking stabs at her romantic life. "Oh, that'll be the day. But right now we need to find you something decent to wear tonight."

"Wait, are your saying what I think you're saying?" Misato's eyes lit up like Rockefeller center during the holiday season.

"Yes, I am. So get that disgusting look off your face and move it. We're going shopping."

"Hell yeah! We haven't been shopping in forever! I can't believe you're the one to suggest it first. This is going to be awesome!" Misato hurried off towards the parking lot.

"Hey! We're only going to be looking for a dress, okay? Don't get carried away and forget about your dinner! Are you even listening to me? Misato! Wait up! Where are you going! My car's parked in the other lot!"

While Ritsuko was busy trying to keep Misato focused on that matter at hand Kaji was getting ready in his apartment. At the moment, he was in the process of rinsing out the last of the conditioner that was in his hair. Although he had taken a shower after getting back from his swimming class the night before, he thought it would be a good idea to make sure that he didn't give off any unpleasant odors. He gave his hair one final run through with his fingers to check if any of the slippery conditioner was left. When he was satisfied he picked up his bottle of Nivea body wash and squeezed some onto his loofah. Misato always complained about how his skin needed more exfoliating, so she got him the loofah. He hated to admit it, but Kaji loved how smooth it made his skin afterwards. It also went great with his body wash. He gently scrubbed his skin with the loofah, making sure to take care of certain smellier areas such as the underarms and feet. After he was done he took a small amount of the body wash and rubbed it behind his ears. The first day he got the loofah he tried to use it to clean his ears and after somehow managing to get the loofah to fit, he ended up making them bleed. It was a painful learning process to say the least. He rubbed his hands over his body to wash off the final suds of soap. When he was done he shut off the water and grabbed his towel and used it to lightly dab at his soaking wet hair as the drops of water slid down the well defined curves of his moist, silky smooth (awkward enough for you yet?), freshly exfoliated skin.

After he wiped off the last drops of water he wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower onto the red rug strategically placed in front of the sink and mirror. He reached for the bottle of Suave body lotion and applied it all over the carefully sculpted muscles of his body. When he was finished he opened the door to let the steam out and wiped the mirror with the hand towel sitting on the sink and then proceeded to lather his face with shaving cream. He pressed his trusty Gillette Fusion against his face and took one downward stroke after another.

"Well this is a surprise, you're actually shaving," came a voice from behind him. Kaji turned around to see his landlady, Haruka Urashima, standing in the doorway with a cigarette in her mouth. "I haven't seen you clean up this well since you first started going out with Misato. Are you seeing a new girl or something?"

"Nope, we're going to be having dinner with her parents."

Haruka grimaced. "Ouch, sounds rough." Kaji laughed nervously. "I'll let you concentrate on sprucing yourself up. Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks… Actually, can you do a huge favor for me?"

Moments later we find Kaji cruising down the road in a shiny, lava black R8 Audi. He was feeling good behind the wheel of this sexy little car. There was only one more thing to perfect his arrival. He pulled into the parking lot of the local pharmacy.

As the doors slid open he could see his target right in front of his eyes; freshly cut roses. Kaji walked over to the pot which held the flowers and picked out the eleven best roses. He wrapped them up and brought them over to the counter to make his purchase, but there was no one behind the register. After standing around for a couple of seconds he decided to look around for someone. In the back of the store Kaji found a middle aged man in a white lab coat who was filling out prescriptions in the pharmacy area.

"Good evening. Can I help you?" asked the pharmacist when he spotted Kaji approaching.

"Yes, actually, do you know if there's anyone that could ring me up on the register?" Kaji asked.

The man looked at the watch on his wrist and shook his head. "I guess those lazy bums are taking another extended break. Oh well, I can take care of you here."

"Thank you very much sir, I really appreciate your help!"

The pharmacist laughed. "I'm glad someone around here does. Let's see, eleven roses… That'll be ¥1800. Is that all you'll need for today?"

Kaji was about to confirm his purchase, but then he noticed a glass case in the back holding an assortment of condoms. "Now that you mention it I think I'll take some of those ribbed condoms with warming lubricant."

"Sure. The packs come in 6, 12 and 25. Which one would you want?"

"Well, I've been seeing this drop-dead gorgeous girl for a while now. The reason that I want the condoms is because I think that tonight might be _the_ night. We're going to be having dinner with her parents tonight and then after that we're going out. If I play my cards right I just might get lucky tonight. Once she's had me she'll want me all the time so you'd better give me the 25 pack."

The pharmacist chuckled, shaking his head, and scanned Kaji's purchase. "I wish you the best of luck young man," he said as he handed Kaji the bag of condoms and flowers.

"Thank you for your help. Have a good evening!"

When Kaji got to the car he placed the pack in the glove compartment and put the roses on the passenger seat. A few minutes later he arrived at the Misato and Ritsuko's dorm. Making sure he had the flowers well hidden behind his back he knocked on the door. Ritsuko opened the door with a glass of juice in her hand, 'cuz she's healthy like that.

"Hey Kaji… Wow, you're looking pretty sharp." Ritsuko was stunned when she saw Kaji. He was wearing a charcoal grey suit and silver tie with a black and white pinstripe pattern. Even his hair was tamed. "Where did you get the suit from? Is it left over from your prom or something?"

"I was a groomsman for my friend actually."

"Ah, I should've known. Come on in, Misato's finishing caking on the last layer of makeup."

"I am _not_ caking on makeup!" screamed Misato from the bathroom.

"Sure you aren't. Hey, Kaji, what's that you're hiding behind your back? Do I see roses?"

"Shh! I got a little something planned so work with me Rits."

"Don't tell me this has to do with another one of your corny lines again."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Kaji smirked when Ritsuko gave him a look of disbelief. "Okay maybe it does… Just don't let Misato know."

"I heard my name. If you guys are talking about me behind my back again I'm gonna kick you with these pointy heels," said Misato as she walked into the room. Kaji's jaw dropped when he saw Misato standing before him in a wine red gown that hugged her curves in a very flattering way. If the gown wasn't tight enough to hold itself up then the single strap around her neck would. Her right leg was revealed by a slit in the side that reached her upper thigh. There was black trim on the chest. Her hair was straightened and pulled over her left shoulder. Her earrings consisted of white gold with three diamonds set in a line. She was still wearing the same watch, pendant and shoes from earlier but got rid of the rings and hair tie.

"Whoa, you look amazing," Kaji said. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. My name is Ryoji Kaji."

"Oh shut up. Stop being so stupid, it's me," said Misato.

"What? Misato? I didn't recognize you looking so classy."

"I could say the same thing. Huh, you actually used the hair texturizing cream I gave you, it looks good," she smiled. "So, are we ready to go?"

"Yeah, but first," Kaji said as he held up the roses in front of him, "I brought these eleven roses for you."

"Aw, thank you," said Misato, taking the roses from Kaji. "But why eleven? You too cheap to afford a dozen?" Ritsuko laughed as she took a seat on her bed.

"Here let me show you." Kaji lead Misato to the front of the mirror on top of her dresser. "What do you see?"

"I dunno, me holding a bunch of roses?"

"Right now you're looking at the twelve most beautiful things in the world."

Misato turned her head and looked into Kaji's eyes. "That is so sweet," she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Ritsuko just snickered in the background. "Rits, could you not ruin our moment."

"I'm not doing anything," said Ritsuko. She grinned as she took a sip of her juice.

Misato huffed as she replaced the older flowers in her vase on her dresser with the roses. "Alright, we're off to convince my parents that we're not doing anything indecent."

"Good luck with that," Ritsuko chuckled as she handed Misato her handbag. Misato glared at her as she wrapped a black shawl around herself. "Fill me in on all the gory details tomorrow. Enjoy your dinner guys."

"Oh we will. See ya later. Don't study too hard tonight."

"Bye Rits," said Kaji as he closed the door behind him. "She's having another study group thing again? She just had one a couple of days ago."

"You know her, if she doesn't get straight As she's going to chuck herself off a building."

"I feel kinda bad for her. She's racking her brain out while we're about to have probably the most extravagant dinner ever."

"Nah, you don't have to feel bad. My parents took us to the same restaurant when we first moved in so she's not missing out on anything."

"What!" There was a look of betrayal on Kaji's face. "Why didn't I know about this?"

"I didn't even know you when I first moved in so stop looking so offended."

Kaji frowned and held open the door out of the building for Misato. "Well, I still can't believe she didn't tell me. Hey, where are you going?"

"I thought we were going to catch a train?" Misato said pointing towards the bus stop leading to the station.

"Dressed like this? Nope I'm parked right over there." Kaji said pointing towards the second row in the parking lot.

"You got a car? Ooh, I wanna see!" She followed him towards the car and gasped in excitement when she saw it. "No way! Your landlady let you borrow her R8! What!" Kaji laughed as Misato embraced and stroked the car. "Oh my God… This car is glorious. How did you get her to loan it to you? Did you promise to give her your first born child or something?"

"No, I managed to talk her down from that." He cringed at the memory of the incident.

-A few hours ago at Kaji's apartment

"Haruka, do you think I could borrow your car for tonight?" Kaji asked.

"Yeah sure, the keys for the Maxima are in my office. You remember where they are right," said the landlady as she took another drag from her cigarette.

"Acutally, I was hoping that you would let me drive the R8," said Kaji, his voice slowly trailing off.

For a few seconds it seemed like she didn't hear his question. Kaji wasn't sure if he should repeat the question and just stood there nervously. Haruka leaned against the door frame and exhaled. "Kaji," she said looking idly down the hallway, "you do know what you're asking, right?"

Kaji gulped subconsciously. "Yes, I do."

Haruka shifted her gaze to Kaji, causing him to jump. "And you do know the consequences should anything happen to my car, right?" Kaji tried to give a response but all that he could manage was a bunch of incomprehensible stammering. "You don't? Well," she rolled up her sleeves, "let me give you a reminder." As Haruka approached all Kaji could do was let out a cry of terror.

-End Flashback

"Let's just say she took a sort of down payment before I left," said Kaji. Even though Misato had heard of the terrors that Haruka was capable of she could help but be laugh at the pained expression on her boyfriend's face. "It's not funny Misato, we seriously have to be careful with this car. We gotta make sure we don't mess with anything in the interior and be especially careful with the paint too. For each scratch she finds she's going to double my rent and remove a vital organ."

"Don't worry, I'd never harm a vehicle as majestic as this (that is until she gets one of her own). I'd be more concerned about time right now if I were you. We're supposed to be meeting my parents in about forty-five minutes and it's already a half an hour drive without traffic."

"Oh crap, I didn't know it was this late already." Kaji unlocked the car and help Misato into the car.

"Whoa! Even the interior is sexy! Is that a beverage heater and cooler? Ooh, what are all of these buttons and monitors on the center console for?"

"Don't press any of those buttons! What did I just say? Haruka is gonna be pissed if I mess with her car." Misato completely ignored Kaji and continued messing around all the gadgets. "Could you stop swooning all over the car for a second and put your seatbelt on? Oh, and don't push that button next to your belt buckle. Seriously Misato, she said there's a button in here that can make the car self-destruct so be careful."

"Sorry, I can't help it!" Kaji shook his head as he started the ignition and buckled himself in. The sound of the engine caused her to sigh. "That's music to my ears… Alright Kaji! Show me what these 420 horses can do!"

While those two enjoy their joy ride we will join the Dr. and Mrs. Katsuragi who have already settled down on their table and are passing the time with a casual conversation.

"I wonder what kind of boy Misato's Kaji is," said Mrs. Katsuragi looking over the menu.

"Oh I'm sure he's a respectable young man, probably studying hard so he can be a great leader when he takes over his family business. Something along those lines," responded Dr. Katsuragi quite sincerely as he fiddled with his eating utensils.

His wife lowered the menu and looked over at him. "You should know our daughter better than that by now."

"I don't see why she had to break up with that Moriyama boy. He was nice."

"You're only saying that because he was a law student at the top of his class."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with that but the boy was arrogant and overbearing."

"In what way?" asked Mr. Katsuragi in a kind of challenging manner.

"He was always boasting about every single one of his accomplishments and criticizing Misato whenever he had a chance! The only reason why she went out with him is because you asked her too." Dr. Katsuragi frowned. "Dear, I know you only want the best for Misato but you need to be a little more flexible in her decisions."

"I am being flexible! I'm allowing her to pursue a career that has nothing to do with law or medicine!"

"That's was only after you argued and she wouldn't speak to you for a month," Mrs. Katsuragi reminded her husband. He was almost moved to tears at the memory of the event. "I don't know why you're still upset about that. Automotive engineering is just as promising as law or medicine. Just swear that you won't scare off whoever Misato brings with her tonight. Have confidence in your daughter, okay?"

Dr. Katsuragi mumbled under his breath. "Fine," he said reluctantly. "But if he's anything like that boy from this afternoon that I told you about I'm going to throw him out of this restaurant myself."

"I mean it! No exceptions." Mrs. Katsuragi pinched her husband in the side when he crossed his arms.

"Ow, okay! You didn't have to pinch me."

"Good, because here comes Misato and her boyfriend now." From down the hall the voices of Misato and Kaji could be heard as they approached the tatami room.

"Oh of all the damned luck. That's the boy that I was telling you about from the pharmacy. No, I'm being serious, don't roll your eyes. I'd recognize that nauseating voice anywhere."

"Even if it is him you promised me. We're here for Misato, not to scare the boy away. If you ruin tonight for her so help me God I will…" As the door to the room slid open Mrs. Katsuragi's face instantly transformed from one of a raging bull to one of beaming happiness as Misato and Kaji appeared behind the kneeling waitress who left the four as soon as Misato and Kaji stepped inside the room. "Misato! Oh sweetie, look at you! My daughter is such a beautiful young lady now."

"Thank you Mom! I'm so happy that you could get off work today," said Misato as she hugged and kissed her mother. She looked over at her father who was hunched over and had his back turned towards them. "Hi Dad, What are you doing over there?"

"Would you stop playing with your phone and greet your daughter. She got all dressed up just to meet us here tonight," said Mrs. Katsuragi.

"I can't look at Misato when I know that all that the boy next to him just wants to sleep with her," he mumbled under his breath.

Mrs. Katsuragi leaned in close and whispered in his ear. "Stop acting so childish. You're going to pretend like you don't know this boy and treat him well. If you don't I will…" The last part of that sentence was unable to be repeated. But judging from the reaction from Dr. Katsuragi it's safe to say that it was quite convincing because he immediately stood up and hugged his daughter, keeping his face hidden from Kaji.

"Sorry about that sweetheart, I just had to finish placing some bets on the game tonight," he lied.

"I thought you said you were never going to bet again after last time," Misato laughed as she kissed her father on the cheek.

"Well, are you going to introduce us to this young man or are you just going to let him stand there?" asked Mrs. Katsuragi.

"Oh yes. Kaji why don't you introduce yourself to my parents?" said Misato.

"Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you. I'm Ryoji Kaji, it's a pleasure to meet you," he said as he shook hands with Misato's mother.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too. Ooh, Misato you never told me how handsome he was!" Kaji laughed embarrassedly at the comment. "Dear, don't you think he's handsome?

"He's a rotten bastard, that's what I think," Dr. Katsuragi mumbled under his breath. His wife overheard his comment and quickly delivered a swift kick to the back of his calf, causing him to cry out in pain.

"Are you alright, Dad?" Misato asked, moving to his side to help him.

"Oh don't worry about it," said her mother. "Your father's knee is just acting up again."

"I apologize about that," said Dr. Katsuragi with a big smile on his face as he turned held out a hand for Kaji to shake. "It's good to finally meet you, Misato talks about you a lot."

"It's good to meet you too, I…" as Kaji was shaking hands with Misato's father a cold chill went through his entire body. He recognized the face of the man whose hand he was shaking as the middle aged man in the pharmacy. Kaji could tell that the smile didn't mean that he was happy to see that the man that he sold a pack of condoms to was the man who was dating his daughter but rather that he had something up his sleeve. This was confirmed when he felt the grip on his hand tightening more than was necessary for a hand shake. Kaji disguised the gritting of his teeth in pain as a smile.

"So Kaji, is your surname. Since Misato always refers to you by that name I assumed that it was your given name. Is there some reason why you call her by her given name while she still calls you by your last name?" said Dr. Katsuragi with a glint in his eye.

"No reason in particular. Everyone has always called me by my surname so I guess it just kind of stuck that way," Kaji said nervously as he started losing feeling in his hand.

"Now that we're all introduced let's sit down so we can get our food ordered already," said Mrs. Katsuragi excitedly. As they picked up their menus she discretely held a discussion with her husband. "What did I tell you?"

"I'm not doing anything!" he responded quietly.

"I know that you were trying to crush the boy's hand!"

"Only so he keeps his hands off our daughter! We both know that he didn't just buy those condoms for kicks."

Mrs. Katsuragi scowled at her husband then put down her menu and turned towards Misato and Kaji. "So, I know this question is kind of cliché but, how did you two meet?"

"Well," said Misato as she lowered her menu, "Kaji and I were in the same philosophy class together last semester. We sat in the same row and went to the same study group. After a while we started hanging out a lot and then eventually started dating about five months ago."

"Look," said Mrs. Katsuragi quietly to her husband, "it's already been over five months and they still haven't slept with each other. Lord knows that you couldn't wait that long before we…"

"Completely different!" said Dr. Katsuragi, blushing from his memories from when they were first dating. "We were much older than they were at the time and experienced! Do you want this boy taking our baby's innocence?"

"It's going to happen sooner or later and when it does wouldn't you rather it happen with someone that she's actually happy with. Can you remember the last time you saw her smile like that?" Misato's parents glanced over at her as she and Kaji looked at the menu together and teased each other and debate which would go straight to their butt or thighs.

"Sure," he responded smugly, "it was when she was home for the holidays and I got her those Versace shoes that she liked."

"That's not the same. It's like you're comparing the happiness of our wedding day with how happy you were when you bought that new set of golf clubs. Is that what you think? That a bunch of metal is just as important as the most important day of our lives?"

"I never said that," responded Dr. Katsuragi as calmly as he could. Before he could say anything else the waitress slid the door open again. She brought with her four blue and white yukata like robes and helped the four of them put them on to help ward off the cold. After they were offered sake and salt to go with it as they made their orders.

As they waited for their chef to arrive and cook their food on the charcoal in front of them the four engaged in light conversation which I really don't feel like writing out 'cuz it's not important at all. So I'll skip forward to the more interesting parts.

"Mmm, this sake is delicious," said Mrs. Katsuragi as she took a sip from her bamboo cup. "Why don't you have a drink, Kaji?"

"Oh, no thank you. As much as I'm tempted to I need to drive so I'll let you all enjoy it," said Kaji.

"Great! More for me then!" Misato said as she refilled her cup.

"Misato, I hope you're not drinking this much while you're away," said Mrs. Katsuragi as Misato let out an 'Uh…' to confirm her suspicions. "You're still young and your father already told you need to stop drinking so much alcohol."

"Speaking of a lot of alcohol all that sake went straight to my bladder," said Misato to avoid this discussion. Her mother shook her head and took another sip from her cup. "Mom, do you want to go with me, I always feel so awkward walking around this place with all the workers venerating your every movement." Kaji's hair stood on end. If her mother left too then he would be left all alone with her father.

"That's just the style of the restaurant. You'll get used to it," said her mother.

"Yeah, Misato, you're a big girl now, you can go on your own can't you?" said Kaji, trying to goad her.

"Quiet you," said Misato kicking Kaji in the butt. "Please Mom, I really don't want to go alone and my bladder is about to explode!"

"Fine! If it'll get you to stop talking about your bladder," said her mother as she wiped off her mouth.

"Yes! I love you, Mom."

"Wait, Misato! Don't leave me alone with your father!" Kaji whispered.

"Just talk about baseball or something and you'll be fine," she whispered back. "We won't be long."

Before he could plead anymore the two women had left the room. As he stared hopelessly at the closed door he could feel the gaze of Dr. Katsuragi piercing through his back. He could just keep staring at the door and try to avoid making eye contact or having any kind of interaction with him but that would make him look weak… and just downright dumb. So he took a deep breath and started up a conversation.

"So, Dr. Katsuragi, Misato said you were on the baseball team in college. What position did you play?" he asked nervously.

For a couple of seconds that seemed like hours they stared at each other before he said, "I was first baseman."

"Wow, that's pretty impressive." Another awkward silence followed. "So, um, is that how you got your knee injury? While you were playing baseball?"

"Why don't you answer a question for me… Kaji," said Dr. Katsuragi in a very threatening tone.

"Um, sure." Kaji gulped.

"About those condoms you bought this afternoon…" Crap, the exact topic Kaji was hoping he wouldn't bring up. "…Why did you feel the need to purchase ones that had both ribs and warming lubricant?" Kaji said nothing and smiled stupidly. "Are you feeling a little inadequate in the bedroom? Need a little something to make up for your lack of performance?" This time Kaji's mouth fell open like he was going to say something but no sound came out. "Maybe it's your first time and you think that the right condoms will magically make up for your lack of experience." Now Kaji started stammering nonsensical words. "Let me tell you now, you might think that you're going to be a tiger in the den but once you actually get in there you're not going to have a clue on what you're supposed to do, no matter how much porn you've watched."

At this point Kaji had no idea on what to do and senselessly blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "…How do you know all this?"

Dr. Katsuragi was a bit taken aback by the fact that Kaji didn't even try to defend himself. It was probably because he was so good at this intimidation thing. But how did he know Kaji so well? Misato did say that he reminded her of her father, but that's in an alternate reality (or is it?). Maybe Dr. Katsuragi was speaking from experience. Either way, the awkwardness continued as Kaji checked the time on his cell phone. It was already five minutes since their female companions left them. The bathroom wasn't that far away. Why were they taking so long?

"What's the matter? You keep checking your phone, are you nervous?" Dr. Katsuragi asked with this devilish look in his eye.

"Erm, no, I'm just checking if I got any messages," he lied very obviously. Kaji looked Misato's father in the face and tried to not flinch. No, Kaji wasn't going to back down like some wimp (cough cough, Shinji), that's exactly what he wanted him to do. No matter how much he wanted to look away he wasn't going to do it, even if that devilish smirk on his face burnt an image into the back on his retina. It was another awkward half a minute of silence.

"I don't like you," said Dr. Katsuragi as bluntly as he could.

"Well, sir, I'm sorry that you feel that way. We got off on the wrong foot, I hope that I'll be able to change your opinion of me for the better," responded Kaji, trying not to sweat bullets.

Just then, salvation arrived. "Whoo! Oh man, I feel so much better," said Misato as she opened the door.

"Misato, keep your voice down, other customers are trying to eat," her mother said as she closed the door behind them.

"Like anyone cares about a little noise when they're eating," said Misato as she sat back down.

"I care," her mother responded.

"You don't count… er, because you're not even eating yet," Misato quickly added when her mother flashed a glare.

After a couple of minutes of random conversation (that would probably bore you to death if I decided to write it out) the chef arrived with all of the ingredients for everyone's orders. The chef entertained everyone with knife and spatula flipping and spinning as he prepared dinner at the charcoal grill in an adjoining room behind a glass door. As the aroma of grilled meat filled the air Kaji had to constantly remind Misato not to drool. In one circumstance, Misato was concentrating very closely on her beef on the grill and the hiss of the burning fat.

"Hey, you're starting to drool again," said Kaji. "Seriously, Misato, it's going to drip down your face and smudge all that foundation if you don't wipe it." It wouldn't be long before her parents noticed so he took it upon himself to pickup his napkin and wipe her face for her.

"What are you doing? I can wipe my own face," said Misato. Although she was embarrassed she pretended to be a little upset.

"Well, you didn't notice but there was a huge glob of drool that was about to pour out of your mouth so I got it for you," said Kaji bluntly.

"I don't need you to treat me like a child." She then picked up a piece of the cubed smelt on a small skewer and shoved it in his face. "Here, Kaji, have more of the appetizer. It's good for you."

Kaji backed his head out of the way of the fish that was being forced upon him. "Misato, quit it, I already had a lot."

"Yeah, how do you like it? Don't feel too good, do it?" Misato said as she tried to stuff the food down his throat. Dr. Katsuragi was annoyed at how they were being all playful and Mrs. Katsuragi just thought it was cute. While they were struggling Misato's hand slipped and actually managed to shove the smelt in his mouth. Misato would've laughed in victory but Kaji gave a yelp of pain. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Kaji! Did I get your cheek?" she asked turning his face towards hers.

Kaji smirked then pulled out the skewer. "Nah, I'm just messing with you," he said with his mouth full.

Misato scoffed then shoved him away. "Geeze, don't make me waste my concern on you like that."

Dr. Katsuragi rolled his eyes. He was a little upset that she didn't actually shish kebob that obnoxious tongue of his. Soon enough their chef finished their dinners brought them over to the table. Needless to say there was more drool. After confirming that everyone was satisfied with what they had he left them to enjoy their dinner. As the night went on the air was filled with conversation of the food and everyday life, not to mention resentments of everyone stealing everyone else's food. To Kaji's relief the animosity that Dr. Katsuragi had seemed to have died down, or at least he was doing a really good job of hiding it. For a second Kaji thought it would be safe for him to smile at him, but the scowl that Dr. Katsuragi so slyly gave in return proved otherwise. After about an hour of trying to avoid eye contact with him, Kaji was finally found comfort when they were finished dinner and paid their bills. Kaji offered to help pay the bill but Mrs. Katsuragi refused his money.

"Don't worry about it," she said. "We're the ones who called you here on such short notice. You still have school to worry about so leave that to us."

Kaji didn't want to argue so he just let them take care of the bill and after catching a glimpse of the jaw-dropping total he was glad that he did. When they were done with their business the waitress came and led them out of the restaurant. She guided them, with a lantern in hand, to the stone path through the garden back to the turbulence of modern day Roppongi. When they reached the road the four of them had a few words before saying their goodbyes.

"I had such a great time tonight. I'm glad I finally got to meet you, Kaji," said Mrs. Katsuragi as she gave him a hug.

"It was a pleasure meeting you," he said truthfully. If it wasn't for her he probably would've been eaten up by her husband who was, at this very moment, giving him a very dirty look. Kaji tried to look away but he just couldn't move. Misato probably got that paralyzing stare of hers from him.

"Thanks for dinner, dad!" Misato said as she wrapped her arms around her father and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Kaji was saved. "Next time you should try the duck that I keep telling you about, it's really good."

"If that's your way of saying that you want meet to treat you again you're going to have to wait until my wallet can handle another extravagant dinner."

"Oh really?" said Misato. She held up her father's arm pushed back the sleeve to reveal his watch. "That's not what your shiny new TAG Heuer is telling me."

"I didn't think you noticed that," Dr. Katsuragi chuckled. Misato scoffed, like she was offended that he was insulting her materialistic eye. "I'll tell you what, you get a 4.0 this semester and we can come back here to celebrate."

"Really!" said Misato with her eyes all lit up.

"Just make sure you get that grade and we'll treat you as much as you want," said her mother. Misato lunged at her mother and hugged her tight enough to make her gasp for air. "Ooh, sweetheart, I can't breathe."

"Sorry mom."

"I'm afraid we really have to get going now," said Mrs. Katsuragi after catching her breath. "Your aunt asked me to help her prepare cake for her office party tomorrow. She'll be annoyed if I make her wait any longer. Study hard you two. Oh, and Kaji, do me a favor and make sure she behaves."

"I'll do my best," Kaji said with a smile.

"Best of luck to you," said Dr. Katsuragi shaking Kaji's hand. "And if I find out you tried anything with my daughter tonight you're going to wish you were never born," he added just low enough for Kaji to hear. He released Kaji's hand from another death grip and joined his wife.

Misato and Kaji gave one final wave as they turned the corner. When they were out of sight Kaji sighed. "I can't believe that I actually survived that."

"What are you talking about? They like you," said Misato as they headed towards the parking lot.

"Oh, is that why your dad tried to crush my hand and told me that I'm gonna wish I was never born?" said Kaji.

Misato scoffed in disbelief so Kaji held up his hand to show the blood slowly making its way back into it. For most of the ride back to they argued about the likelihood of Dr. Katsuragi attempting to kill Kaji in future gatherings.

"I'm serious, if you dad invites us to go out and eat again there's no way I'm going. He might pay the waiter to dump a bunch of poison in my food or something." Kaji waited for a response but got none. "Hey, did you hear what… Why are you pressing your face against the window? Are you… Are you drooling on the window? Misato, why? Why would you do that when you know Haruka is gonna…"

"Baskin Robin's," Misato interrupted.

Without a word, Kaji stopped the car and turned the back towards the ice cream store. Minutes later, after dodging a bunch of cops for running over some expensive shrubbery and making an illegal U-turn, the couple returned to Misato's dorm with a freshly packed quart of Jamoca Almond Fudge. When they got back to the room Kaji held open the door for Misato as she happily chomped away.

"Dang, Misato, we just ate dinner and you already finished that much? You better not eat it all, fatty."

She scoffed and poked a spoon full of jamocha-y goodness into Kaji's face as he locked the door behind them. "What's wrong Kaji, jealous that I can still stay this sexy when I eat so much?"

Kaji chomped on the spoon and yanked the ice cream out of her hands. "No, I just don't want you finishing all the ice cream that _I_ paid for." He threw off his jacket then plopped onto Misato's bed… with a plop.

"It's okay, I understand," said Misato. She sat down next to him and pat his belly. "I don't care if your tum-tum is getting bigger, it just means that I have a squishier pillow to lay on."

Kaji scoffed as he took another bite. "Whatever, you're just jealous that I can still look _this_ good even with a little extra pudge."

"Aw, so you are gaining weight."

"I am not!" Kaji screamed and slammed the ice cream down on the nightstand.

"Don't worry, I won't leave you just 'cuz you've packed on a few pounds. C'mere, lemme give you a hug." Misato leaned over Kaji with her arms outstretched.

"No! Get away from me, you cruel woman!" Kaji slipped just out of Misato's reach then poked her in the side.

Misato squealed and she fell into a ball onto the bed. Kaji lay on his side, laughing at the ridiculous look on her face. "You jerk! You almost made me rip my dress!" She lunged towards him and started tickling his side in revenge.

Kaji shout in protest but couldn't help but burst into uncontrollable laughter when Misato got her hands on him. Although he wasn't a very ticklish person, Misato had discovered some of Kaji's most sensitive spots after much experimentation (take that as you will). "Misa… hahaha! M-Misato cut it out!" he screamed in between bursts of laughter.

"Fine, I'll let you go this time as thanks for meeting my parents tonight." Misato withdrew her hands and allowed Kaji to sit up to catch his breath. She smiled as she watched him straighten himself out after her tickle attack. "You know," she said leaning in until their mouths almost touched, "I'm really glad that everything went well." She placed her hand on his cheek and gently kissed him on the lips.

"Yeah, you didn't do too bad yourself," said Kaji, making Misato laugh. He smiled and stared into her eyes. The smell of Misato's lavender perfume filled Kaji's nose. He brushed her hair aside and placed his hand on the back of her neck to pull her in for another kiss. In the few moments that passed he couldn't help but think of how there was no one else that he'd rather be sharing this moment with. Misato slowly wrapped her arms around Kaji. He ran his hand along her side in response. The warmth of her body was comforting, releasing him from all the stress that he had gone through that evening.

After sometime Misato pulled away and rested her forehead against Kaji's, as if to come up for a breath of air. The sound of her increased heartbeat, the feel of her warm breath against of his face, the mild scent of her perfume, the lingering taste of her lips on his mouth, and the stunningly beautiful way she look in his eyes tonight; there wasn't a single one of his senses that wasn't overwhelmed by Misato's presence. He pulled her in close, hoping to never let this sensation end.

"Kaji," Misato said softly. Kaji looked deep into her eyes, waiting for her to go on. She said nothing but just simply smiled and sat up straight. Misato reached behind her back and started to unzip her dress. As she slowly slid it off her body Kaji could feel his heart racing. The pounding in his chest resonated throughout his whole body, leaving him to wonder if she could hear just loud it was. Misato's dress fell to the bed, revealing a matching black lace bra and panties. For a second Misato literally took Kaji's breath away, he had to remind himself how to breathe.

When Misato felt that she gave her boyfriend enough time to appreciate her body she leaned forward and kissed him. Kaji placed his hand on her waist as he expertly started undoing his tie and shirt with the other. It's funny, he didn't expect Misato to come prepared for tonight. Maybe Ritsuko had something to do with this, it wouldn't be surprising considering her past meddling in their relationship. But why was he busy thinking about that now? He was in bed with a beautiful young woman and all he could think about whether or not it was in character for her be ready of this moment, for shame. Speaking of being ready, Kaji almost forgot about that little foil packet that was inside of his jacket pocket. Before Kaji could reach over to his jacket a most menacing image appeared in his head.

_"I told you..."_ echoed a voice,_ "if you even try anything with my daughter you're dead..."_ Kaji froze as the image of a demonic Dr. Katsuragi flashed before his eyes.

Unsure of why he suddenly turned away Misato moved to get a look at Kaji's face. Even more confusing was the look of fear that was in his eyes. "Kaji, what's the matter?" she asked.

Misato's voice snapped Kaji out of his daze. He blinked a couple of times and looked over his shoulder to make sure that Dr. Katsuragi didn't somehow sneak into the room with a knife in hand. Nothing. After finally convincing himself that his imagination was getting the best of him Kaji looked back at Misato. "Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled to reassure her but Misato had seen that look on that face enough times to know that he was lying. She figured that he was just nervous about their first night together and just brushed it aside. It was actually kind of cute, she didn't figure Kaji to be the type of guy to get embarrassed by this. Misato rested her arms on Kaji's shoulders and moved in for another kiss.

_"You're a dead man, Ryoji Kaji..."_ the voice echoed again.

Before Misato could make contract Kaji backed away and took another good look around the room, making sure he checked every nook and cranny. Misato curiously looked the same direction Kaji was to see what was distracting him but found nothing out of the ordinary. "Kaji, if there's something bother you, you can tell me," she said.

"It's nothing," Kaji said as he took one final glance. "I, uh, just thought that I heard voice or something. It's probably just people in the hall." Kaji laughed nervously.

Misato smirked. "What's the matter, scared someone's going to walk in on us?" Kaji tried to give some kind of response but all that came out of his mouth was a bunch of gibberish. "Don't worry," she whispered in his ear, "I made sure to lock the door..."

Kaji finally gained enough composure and refocused his attention to his girlfriend. He extended his hand towards her but a familiar suddenly boomed in his head.

"_YOU'RE DEAD!"_

Just before he could make contact a sharp pain shoot through Kaji's hand. He quickly withdrew it and jumped off the bed. "Okay, I can't do this!" he said trying to shake the feeling back into his hand.

"Wha- What's the matter?" Misato asked. "Was it something I-"

"No, no, no," said Kaji as grabbed his jacket. "I just can't- I just- I can't do this right now." He quickly made his way towards the door.

"Wait! Kaji! Just a- I said wait!" Misato was able to corner Kaji thanks to his sudden inability to unlock door. "Please... stay with me."

The sheepish tone of her voice was enough to stop Kaji from wrestling with the door handle and he remembered that standing before him was this knock out of a girl, wearing nothing but lingerie, who wanted nothing more than to be in his arms. In a moment of weakness Kaji caught himself scanning over every inch of her body than he probably should have. That probably explained why the pain in his hand suddenly shot back in his hand and almost caused him yelped out loud.

"I'm really sorry, Misato. I really gotta go," he said as he finally got the door open. "I wish I could stay, I really do, because you look hot... so hot, but I- AGH! I'll see you tomorrow before class, alright?" Before Misato could stop him he had already slipped away.

"Kaji, wait! At least tell me what's wrong!" As she started following him down the hall the door right next to her opened and out came an unsuspecting student.

"Yo, Misato! What's- Oh..." This boy who stepped out of his room to fill his water bottle was frozen in his tracks when he saw his neighbor in front of him, naked. Well, she might as well have been naked, besides, it's good to leave things to the imagination every now and then. "Uh, Misato," he cleared his throat, "I'm flattered that you would come visit me like this. My roommate still here but he's just dickin' around online anyway so I don't think he'll mind if we kick him out or if you're into that kind of thing I don't mind he stays and..."

Rolling her eyes Misato and went back into her room.

"...Yeah it was good talking to you too."

Minutes later Kaji arrives at his apartment. He didn't expect to be coming back this early. In fact, he didn't expect to be coming back at all tonight, at least not by himself. With the little energy he had remaining he dragged himself to the couch and just collapsed on top of it. Why did things turn out this way? Everything was going perfectly until...

"AAAAAGH!" Just remembering what happened was driving him crazy. He was that close. That close! And it was all ruined by what, his overactive imagination? "Gah! Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! What the hell!"

"Yeah, really, what the hell?" Haruka was standing in the hallway, cigarette in her mouth as per usual. "First you ask to borrow my car and then you wake up everyone in my apartment. You got some kind of death wish?"

"I, er, no. Sorry, Haruka, I'm just getting rid of a little stress."

"Yeah, well, unless you want this night to be your last you can either get rid of that stress somewhere where you won't be bothering my tenants or shut the hell up." Kaji said nothing and just stared at the ground woefully. "Hey, what are you doing back here anyway, I thought you were going to be spending the night at Misato's."

Just the mention of her name was enough to start the downward spiral. First, his eyes welled up. Next, his lips started quivering followed by the sniffling and whimpering. And when the tears finally started rolling down his cheeks Kaji lost all control and bawled like a baby. As sad as this sight was he at least had enough sense to grab the pillow next to him and muffle himself, Haruka might have ripped his throat out otherwise.

"That bad, huh."

Meanwhile, Ritsuko had just returned to her dorm after a long night. She tentatively opened the door, unsure if she should enter. The sound of the TV and crunching of potato chip were safe enough indicators, so she walked through the door hoping she was right. Fortunately she was, however what she saw was not what she imagined.

"Oh, hey Ritsuko," said Misato as she dropped a handful of chips into her tub of ice cream. She looked pretty comfy, sitting in her bed with ice cream in hand, wearing a baggy sweatshirt and basketball shorts, and a big bag of chips sitting on the nightstand beside her. Okay, she looked way too comfy.

"Uh, hi. I didn't expect you to still be up. Why- why are you putting chips into your ice cream?"

"Ihh tashh pretuh gud, whanna twy shum?" Misato said with her mouth full of ice cream and chips. She held out the tub and spoon towards Ritsuko.

"No, I'm good, thanks." Misato shrugged and took another bite. "Misato, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah! I'm doing great! Why wouldn't I be? I got me some delicious food, a comfy bed and I'm watching one of my favorite episodes of Friends. You should join me!" Misato patted the bed.

"I would but I don't want to get crumbs all over my ass. Misato, what's going on, what happened with Kaji?"

Misato silently swallowed the ice cream and chips in her mouth then lowered the tub to her lap. "Ritsuko, do you think I'm fat?"

"Well, if you keep eating junk like that you will be. Seriously, you need to put that down. I can list about 20 things that'll happen if you don't stop." Misato stopped the spoon just before it entered her mouth. She pouted and put the tub next to the bag of chips. "Alright, what's wrong?"

"I'm fat and ugly, that's what!" Misato sobbed.

"Oh shut up, no you're not. What would make you say that?" Ritsuko was about to sit down next to her distraught roommate then opted to move towards the other side of the bed to avoid sitting on all the chips.

"Kaji thinks I am! Why else would he run out of the room after I took off my dress?"

"I'm sure there's another reason for that. Maybe he got nervous."

"Nervous? I don't think nervous explains why he couldn't even put his hands on me after I was practically naked in front of him. Just admit it Rits, I'm disgusting."

"Nah, it was probably just his hand fighting him since it probably felt betrayed he was going to spending time with an actual woman. Oh my gosh, Misato, no, no , no! Don't cry I was just kidding!" Ritsuko embraced Misato in an attempt to comfort her.

"That's probably it, isn't it? I'm just so hideous that he would rather spend more with his hand than me!" Misato buried her face into Ritsuko's chest and bawled her eyes out. Ritsuko knew at this point there was no reasoning with her so she allowed Misato to let it all out until she came back to her senses.

After a few minutes of rocking in her roommate's arms Misato's cries had calmed down to a gentle sniffling. "Sorry about that, Rits. Today was just a complete disaster. I mean, it was going great until... you know."

"Yeah. Don't worry about it." Ritsuko gave Misato a light squeeze.

Misato wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "You smell really great by the way." Ritsuko laughed. "Your outfit is pretty cute too... Actually, too cute for a late night study session."

"I, uh..."

"Wait a minute, were you out clubbing?" Misato sniffed Ritsuko's hair. "You were! Don't even try to lie! You're even wearing my pants, those are my other pair of ripped jeans! I thought you said they were passé! Your butt even looks so cute in them! Cuter than mine... I am getting fat aren't I!"

"Oh geez, Misato..." Ritsuko rubbed Misato's back as she threw her arms around her and started crying again.

* * *

A/N:LOL why did it take me almost 3 years to write this chapter, LOL this is ridiculous, LOLOLOL! But seriously, I sincerely apologize to any who have followed this fic in the past and has been waiting, I have no excuse. Hopefully my writing has improved since I last updated. If nothing else, this chapter alone more than doubled the word count for this fic. This the first time I've ever writing anything even remotely romantic ... I'm sorry for being unable to avoid the cheesy, cliché-ness. I think I may have gone a little overboard. Details hurt my head… And why did I use so many brand names?

Anywayz, I was writing this scenario while listening to the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. As I was just starting the part where Kaji was taking a shower, _Road to the West_ started playing. I soon find myself picturing the story, or rather Kaji in the shower, more vividly and start thinking, "Yeah, you wash them soap suds off your nakey body." Then after he's out of the shower and standing in the steam filled room with just a towel, _Farwell Blues_ starts playing and then I'm like, "Oh yeah, you wear that towel like you've never worn one before. Go on, shave that stubble, and make that face all smooth and sexy." I recommend rereading those scenes whilst listening to these pieces if you're curious; you'll know what I'm talking about. Music is some powerful stuff, haha!

"And on the 8th Day, God created Cowboy Bebop and it was good but not complete: thus did God create Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts to breathe life and soul into His masterpiece." ~ Genesis 2:3 1/2

P.S. If anyone would like to beta for me shoot me a PM, thought I gotta say my updates will probably be slow :P


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